Question:
Any advice i can give her? she feels like her car is unsafe and refuses to drive it? NEON? I can't keep taking her everywhere?
Answers:
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Sorry, but your friend needs to get a grip on reality. If she doesn't work, she is at the mercy of poverty. Poor people don't have very many choices. They live in the worst parts of town, they drive the worst cars (if they are fortunate enough to own a working car in the first place), they eat whatever's cheap, regardless of nutritional value. If your friend wants a better car, she should get a job and earn the money necessary to buy one.any one driving porsche boxter in the winter through ice and snow?
You are enabling her by driving her around.
Is she really a friend? Or do you hang out with her because you don't know how to break it off, and she is good being "needy," making you feel either guilty if you don't "help" her, or needed and worthy because you do "help" her?
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But assuming you either truly value her friendship or can't find the gumption to tell her to take a hike:
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Sit down with her for a heart-to-heart talk. Tell her you haven't minded driving her around, but it's getting to be too much, and you two need to work out a different arrangement.
1. Tell her you can't take her everywhere anymore. Suggest she sell her car for, hopefully, enough money to buy another decent one (some kid told me teenage boys like Neons because they can soup up the engine). Or, tell her you will only take her out once a week to shop. You're really sorry, but you have things you need to do in your life, and driving her around is really interfering with your plans. When you first started driving her around, you thought it would be a short-term thing, but it's growing into a much bigger commitment than you were prepared for.
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2. Say you'll also take her to job interviews, if it works with your schedule. (If you're not careful, she will schedule her interviews for maximum disruption of your life, so you must lay out the parameters from the beginning. Or she'll schedule them at times that are impossible for you,then she'll whine that she can't get a job because she can't get there for the interview. Bam! You are now obligated to her because it's your fault she can't get work. Do NOT fall for this! People who are successful at life figure out solutions to problems; people who are successful at manipulating others figure out problems to solutions they suggest. I suspect she is the latter.)
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If she tries to lay a guilt trip on you or tells you she doesn't know how she'llmanage without you driving her around--do NOT fall for it! That's manipulation. She does not need you. She needs her own two feet under her. Brace yourself in advance for manipulative ploys. Decide, before you talk to her, exactly where the boundaries will be, and stick to them! And if you're too easily swayed to make them stick (hey, it took me many years to grow a backbone!), at least don't make any hard and fast commitments, nor any open-ended ones (like, "until you get on your feet again."). Insert an "out" for yourself: "Well, I'll do that now, but at some point I won't be able to do it any more. I can't make any definite promises. You really need to get a job asap."
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Practice "tough love." If you want to help her, you need to cut her off so that she will get a grip. If you just want to be out from under her need, you need to cut her off.
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Sometimes people genuinely need a ride for awhile, and it's nice to be able to help them out, but what tells me she is an imposter at need is: a. she doesn't have a job; b. she's apparently not trying very hard to get a job; c. she has a perfectly good car that she refuses to drive.
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I highly recommend the book, "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty," by Manuel J. Smith. He gives excellent techniques for standing up for yourself. I hope it's still in print.
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BTW, I am very sorry she "feels" her car is "unsafe." I am not aware of any safety problems with Neons. It's a compact car, and because of their low profile and low mass, compact cars as a group are less safe than the bigger cars, but that's the only "problem" I'm aware of. I think she's using that as an excuse.
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Get a friggin job and take the bus till you can buy a new car.How long does it take to get from Lands end to John O'Groats in a car?
Tell her to sell it and with that money she can buy a new carAll wheel drive vs 4 wheel drive!?
tell her to turn it in as a downpayment. allthough she wont get much for it.what car has the most powerful big block engine ever and the biggest big block engine ever?
Then I suggest she learn how to take the bus. I understand that her car may be unsafe so she should do what she can until she can purchase a new one. A job would also be a good idea.Why is it motorists are always being targeted?
Stop driving her everywhere so she'll HAVE to work to get a car. That's called "tough love".Do you agree that we need to renew driver license at all? Where does the money go?
Tell her to get a job. Good god, is your friend repaying you for your time and gas? If not, you really gotta re-evaluate your friends because actual friends do not use each other like that. And tell her to take the bus while you're at it.I know someone in a similar situation...she took the trashy way out! She found a guy to give her money for a different car! Of course she doesn't admit it but you can bet there were strings attached. I think that is just WRONG!
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Your friend should get a job and work for the things that she wants like the majority of the population does.
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Is it that she can't work, or she won't work? Only way to get a better car is with more money. Without any income, she will have a hard time getting financing for another car. You'll probably be doing her a favor (although she won't realize it) by refusing to drive her around anymore. Hopefully that will get her off her butt to get a job.What is the Best Way to Drive on a Flat Tire?
The solution to your problem is simple. Quit driving her around. If she is not working, she needs to get off her rear and get a job. If her car is a problem, it is her problem. As long as you are providing free transportation for her, she will have no reason to change her situation!!More Questions & Answers ...
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